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Crazy Predictions for 2013, Part One

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Colonel "Bat" Guano
Colonel "Bat" Guano
Stanley Kubrick

Here are some crazy (or are they?) baseball predictions for 2013. Take these as seriously as you want to. Some of them might actually happen! This is Part One; stand by for Part Two later today.

***Adam Eaton will return from his injury in the second half and hit .339 in 40 games for the Arizona Diamondbacks.

***Julio Teheran will going 14-7, 2.89 ERA for the Atlanta Braves and finish third in NL Cy Young balloting.

***Kevin Gausman will throw a complete game two-hit shutout in his major league debut for the Baltimore Orioles.

***Clay Buchholz will post a 5.9 WAR and win 17 games for the Boston Red Sox

***The Chicago Cubs will be in first place on June 1st. By September 1st they will be in last.

***Dayan Viciedo will hit 37 home runs for the Chicago White Sox

***Cincinnati Reds' Devin Mesoraco will have a higher WAR value than any catcher in the National League except Buster Posey.

***Trevor Bauer will win seven games in a row for the Cleveland Indians in August/September

***Nobody on the Colorado Rockies roster with more than 300 plate appearances will hit over .300

***Andy Dirks will have a higher on-base percentage for the Detroit Tigers than Miguel Cabrera.

***Chris Carter will hit 33 homers for the Houston Astros, 22 in the first half, and make the AL All-Star team.

***Jeff Francoeur will have a higher WAR value than anyone else in the Royals lineup not named Alex Gordon

***Mike Trout will hit .270/.347/.449 for the Los Angeles Angels, prompting numerous "what's wrong with him?" articles. The answer? Nothing is wrong with him.

***Yasiel Puig will hit .371/.389/.634 in the minors and .139/.145/.250 in the majors for the Los Angeles Dodgers

***Giancarlo Stanton will hit just 19 homers for the Miami Marlins. However, only two of them will be solo shots.

***Michael Fiers will win more games and have a higher WAR value than Kyle Lohse for the Milwaukee Brewers.