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John Makes a Confession

OK, I confess.

I take steroids.

In fact, I have taken so many steroids that I can see into the future. So I will tell you right now the following thing I have seen in the future: 20 years from now, assuming that the Yellowstone Caldera doesn't blow, or that Peak Oil doesn't render the travel of baseball teams from coast to coast impractical, or that the Zeta Reticulans don't decide to replace their current covert study of Earth with an outright invasion, there will be "performance enhancing" drugs that are both better than steroids and undetectable. And 100 years from now, people will be arguing about whether or not Joe Shlabotnick's recent bionic elbow surgery should render his 471 strikeout season illegitimate.

Oh, yeah. I should admit now that other writers who take steroids include Ernest Hemingway, Stephen King, George Will, Margaret Atwood, Niall Ferguson, and Zucker/Abrahams/Zucker. Shirley Povich took steroids too. Not to mention Kant, Mary Shelley, Richard Bachman, Walt Whitman, and the author of Revelations. So I am in good company.

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